yesbashtiahwrites

A picture of Sofia 'reading' a book yesterday. The first of another 5 or 6 books (I lost count... Post pregnancy brain...). Sofia is 15 months today! Alhamdulillah! *clapclap* Ah anyhow. I wish I could blog about all her progress but you see, ah you know it is easier said than done. I stayed up late for a few nights to complete the post on Sofia's first group swimming lesson, and I got down with headache after that. I learned a lesson and decided whatever. If I'm healthy, I can care for Sofia better. Health comes first. Okay. So, the book Sofia took was from our small home library upstairs. Had to go up 18 steps. Yes, I counted every time Sofia took a step. 9 steps. Walk a few steps, then another flight of steps. 9 and another 9. I used to not count, just say 'up' and 'good' but I read up an article that it is good to count while your child do something so that they know their progress. I also realized Sofia started to get more excited too...

Dealing with more than one task at the same time. Had to do some work on the phone; replying enquiries, posting updates on the business page, check students' class schedule for the weekend... And with this little girl around, I just had to let her play with hangers and simply make a mess while I steal some time. But of course, once all the hangers were down on the floor... Let's check out what mummy is up to... (Taking this photo while standing on a table... Flat lay habis....) I needed more time...  So... I picked up all the hangers and put them back on the sofa, neatly (made sure it is reachable for her to take)...  Oh well, at least I didn't gave her a handphone or tablet kan. Eyes on the phone, eyes on the hangers... Multitasking la tu kan? While working, jaga anak.

How do I start this? Hm. Counting days to her birthday, I already had in mind what caption I would write on Instagram. Or Facebook. Or up on the blog. Heh. Modern days mum... Fikir caption apa. At first what I had in mind was, "Sofia turned one today! I AM PROUD OF MYSELF for managing to care for her one whole year though I lose myself sometimes" But when the day finally came, I just couldn't let that out because that was not what I felt at the moment. Early in the morning I sang her a birthday song. Before she woke up, during Subuh prayers, I flashed back in my mind what happened on this day at this exact moment one year ago. My water leaked; not knowing what it was I WhatsApped Tita, what is this clear fluid flowing out like kencing since last night but I'm pretty sure it's not kencing. Iz, my mum, and Tita were alarmed while I was still relaxed not knowing it's consequence. Followed Tita's advice to go to the hospital. Eh eh sudahnya beranak t...

There was this one time, we were getting ready to meet a representative from an agency. Something important for the business. The thing is, going out now is so not like the good ol bujang days. With Sofia, I had to bathe her, feed her, pack her drinks, diapers, napkin, wet wipes... Baru boleh bertolak. But since we had to rush, I didn't bathe her. After feeding her breakfast, we were all set to go. I thought we were early enough. Well, no. The representative left already. We could have just go to their office but Sofia wouldn't cooperate. Bath time, hello? Mama, it's bath time! I know I shouldn't give up, but I did. We went straight home and in my mind I told myself, 'Ah forget it. I'll just focus on Sofia for now. When you're older, I'll do what I want'. Because if I didn't set my mind like that I'd get stressed and let it out on her. I have finally realised (after many times) that I'd get stressed if I didn't get what I want. ...

Ever since realizing Sofia could flip pages, I know I should get her more books. When you have a baby, you tend to appreciate even the tiniest of achievements. She used to only bite the books, but recently she has started flipping pages. Still biting at times but well, it's a start. Apa? Beli je online? Well, I already did. I bought a cloth book for about RM11.88 at Lazada (Hi, Mummy Cici!)... Very cheap, I think. But Sofia wasn't really interested in it... Hm. Honestly, I wasn't satisfied with the product either. When I opened the package,  flipped the pages, I was like... Ini je? Hm. Anyhow... Went to Borders and saw a section for babies and toddlers. But I still couldn't find the touch and feel books that I wanted. But there are a lot of childrens' books that are so cute! And cheap, too! Okay, affordable. Belasan ringgit okay la kan. I settled for these two books. Both of these tak sampai RM50 pun. Belasan ringgit je each of this. Of good quali...

A conversation with my mum's friend selling snacks and fruits tepi jalan. I was carrying Sofia. "Eh dah besar dah! Macam sekejap je kan..." *terdiam seketika dan gelak besar*  "Heh. Ha'ah, sekejap..." "Hahaha! Yela kita yang menengoknya rasa sekejap... Yang membelanya tu..." *gelak besar lagi while looking at Sofia* Sofia's turning ONE end of this month. So, rasa sekejap ke lama? Well, sekejap or lama is a daily feeling I guess. When I'm tired and she doesn't want to sleep, the day is sooooo long. When she slept a lot, I was like "Ah cepatnya besar! Nanti tak lama nak gi sekolah dah!" So yeah, cepat or lambat. Depends.

On flying for the first time with a 9 months old baby. Sofia's first flight to Kota Kinabalu! Seriously, I was so damn nervous about taking her on a plane. Everytime when we were having a car ride, and she wouldn't stay still in her car seat, I thought to myself, 'Macam manalah dalam kapal terbang nanti....' Seriously, even going back to Ipoh (kejap-kejap berhenti) already got me so tired. I kept on thinking, how on earth am I going to get her to stay still inside the plane? The main thing that makes me anxious was because I didn't want to disturb hundreds of passengers inside the plane... If we're traveling by car on our own, we didn't really mind her crying (in despair) in the car seat as it's for her safety jugak. Public parenting... Aih. 4 days 3 nights in Kota Kinabalu with Sofia for the first time... There's just so much to write about! So I'm going to divide it into categories like motherhood/ parenting, things to buy, accom...

On bathing Sofia. My first baby, Sofia, is 10 months old now. She would turn 11 end of this month. And I'm still adapting. Though I can see myself improving in managing and caring for her, especially my patience level has gotten a bit higher now, I still lose temper sometimes. Like what just happened during bath time. Bathing Sofia went through a lot of changes as she grew older. From in a small basin, to a bigger basin, to a baby bathtub, to a portable baby pool, and now, I resolved to just bathe her in the kitchen sink. I was happy with the latest one. Simply fill in the sink with water, sat her down in it, and let her play with the faucet; water dripping sikit-sikit. BUT LATELY.... SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SIT! She would hang to me, those tiny fingers grabbing my shirt. So tell me how am I going to wash her upper body. Okay, for a few times I could still keep my calm. Tak apa, I'll just cup some water and wash over her body.  Tapi susah pulak for her hair. So...

On being a mother. A first time mother. I always have that "Oh boleh eh?" moment. Cooking porridge for Sofia, instead of cutting the chicken breast into pieces, my mum simply dump the whole thing into the pot along with the rice. I used to cut them all into small pieces. My mum said boleh... Later when the porridge is ready, simply carik-carik the isi, take out the bones and fat before you blender it. My mum bathed Sofia in the kitchen sink. I bathed Sofia in a baby bathtub. My mum's porridge for Sofia got a lot of things; ikan bilis, spinach, mushroom. Mine would be ikan bilis and spinach or ikan bilis with carrot. Full stop. I planned on frying the mushroom (cendawan celup tepung), but then mum asked why don't I put them inside the porridge as well. Again, "Oh boleh eh?" There are many other things that I just learnt about. Which I believe is the exact reason why sometimes I am a bit slow in taking care/ managing Sofia. Whenever I feel ...

Third time today. She crawled (while I followed behind her, crawling as well) to the drawer and pull it out. The second time she did it she pulled out all three drawers! The third time she only slid her tiny fingers and pull the clothes out. When she first pull out a boot, I swear I feel like pinching her fingers... Geram comel sangat! Then it wasn't cute anymore. Pull out one, leraikan and then letak di lantai. While she was having 'fun', I keep on reminding myself, it's okay it's okay let her explore... It's okay it's okay this is better than her only watching tv... It's okay it's okay at least she's not crying.  Hah. Hah. Sampai tiga kali amekaw.

I was sweeping, well basically cleaning up the staircase when suddenly this one thought occurred. If it wasn't because of mum using my handphone and I had nothing to do (Sofia's sleeping), I wouldn't be sweeping now. Haha. Seriously. I would be going online reading up articles or (and) scrolling through Instagram and Facebook. Not sweeping.  But I'm handphone-less now as my mum was using my phone. Anyhow, feeling bored, I got up and do some cleaning. Our house is not that messy (just in case you got the wrong idea), it's just that there are little things that can be done to make it more neat. Tangga, dapur, anywhere, everywhere. Which makes me think, wow I actually have the time to clean up! Which I think why it is hard being a mum nowadays (well for me, at least). Because sometimes we got too attached to social media. And updating my life on Instagram and Facebook is more important... Than cleaning up the staircase? But seriously, sometimes it is like that. ...

Shared this picture with my bestie. Man, we really miss those burger days! There was this one time during highschool when we decided to sell our own handmade crafts; pompom pencils, pompom keychains, and gift cards during hari koko. I think it's hari koko, can't really remember. We opened a booth under our class, 4 Murni. But truth is, it was a project of only the two of us. Haha. She stayed over at my house, sleptover. We spend the whole night in my pink bedroom making crafts. And when we got hungry in the middle of the night, me made burgers. I made her a burger, grilled on our electric griller, and we both enjoyed our burger in front of the tv, sitting on the floor. That was the FIRST and LAST time I made her a burger. And up til now, she kept on saying it was the best burger she ever had. The burger was just like the one in the picture; daging nipis, cheese sekeping, roti burger apit atas bawah (can't remember got sayur or not). Sebenarnya it wasn't t...

Mum send me this, which then I forwarded to my husband. He laughed and replied, "That makes two of us" Indeed. Clothes for Sofia keep on coming, either from friends, relatives, or even from us. We had to buy her new clothes or she would end up like a sarung nangka , like mum would call it.  Seriously, I read a lot of articles on things to get before the baby arrives but only one stated, BUY NEW CLOTHES FOR YOURSELF. I only found the article after I gave birth to Sofia, and seriously, that is the most useful advice I've ever known. Except the fact that I found out about it late. Gifts for the baby will keep on coming. Seriously, a lot of people came to visit but everything they brought was for the baby. Baby clothes, baby shampoo, baby socks, baby shoes, even pacifier. Oh, and diaper bag. Seriously, I had about 5 diaper bags.  What about the mother? Well, my mum bought me kain batik online. Just because during pantang I had to use hers. No I don't ...

Sofia came down with fever the day after we met Zamani. We (Iz and I) took her to the clinic for a shot on her left thigh the next morning. We should have let her rest since she just had a tiring day the day before, but I was afraid we might delay the check up too long. And, we should have let her rest after the check up as well but we brought her along to the market since my mum wanted to go. But we did ask the doctor whether it is okay to take her out after getting the shot. Back from the market, we brought her to KLIA pulak to send my mil for umrah. We were trying to please everyone... Right after sending my mil to the gate, Sofia started crying. And she cried all the way until the carpark, into the car where I immediately nursed her. Iz dropped us home and went straight to work. I was nursing Sofia when I realized her body was warmer than usual. Mum came to check and said memang panas betul ni. Her temperature was high, 38°C. Memang panas. Kepala, tangan, badan... And that was...

I felt a bit down after shopping (for a while) just now. Talked to Iz about it. Why does it seemed now that I cannot spend money on myself? When I went shopping, all I bought are things for Sofia, Iz, the center, and my mum. I could have just buy a lipstick ke apa... But no, I didn't. Instead, I bought things for the house like an ironing board cover, socks for Iz, well you know, stuffs like that. But nothing for me. And when I got home and found out I didn't buy myself anything, I feel down. It was as if I have lost myself. I forgot about me. Diri sendiri lupakan diri sendiri. Oh, the new shoes that I just bought? Honestly, my mum forced me into it. She wouldn't leave the mall until I get myself a new pair of shoes, and yes, she paid for it. Iz said it is a good thing. That I'm slowly being selfless. I've started thinking about other people. And that I'm turning into a matured, responsible adult who think of others beforehand. Iz is the eld...

But I woke her up. Sofia was sleeping in her pink hammock so calmly and I was just sitting on the sofa in front of her with my phone when suddenly it rains. Raining cats and dogs. Hujan lebat sangat.  I was thinking seronoknya kalau dapat tidur. Hujan-hujan sejuk-sejuk ni dapat tidur. I looked at Sofia sleeping soundly in her hammock. Kan best kalau dapat menempel dengan Sofia hujan-hujan ni.  I could have blogged or lipat kain or kemas rumah basuh pinggan and all. You know, all the house chores we can do when the baby is sleeping. But no I just don't feel like it. As for going online; updating the blog, Facebook pages, or Instagram, cannot also as my phone was almost out of battery. Looking again at Sofia sleeping in her buai. I kind of wished she merengek a bit so I can pick her up. But no she didn't. Still sleeping so soundly eventhough hujan lebat guruh and all. So I purposely didn't swing the buai. Enjut pun tak. The buai hang there so still. Stati...

I was waiting for Iz outside the market while carrying Sofia in my arms when I saw a Chinese lady carrying her son. About 1 year old, I guess. But big enough to walk on his own because she carried him in one hand while the other carrying his shoes.  I smiled at her and she smiled back. Why did I smile in the first place? I'm not so sure why... Maybe because I feel like we were in the same situation; carrying a kid. She smiled back and came to me.  "Eh you know ada satu kain ni macam baju you boleh masukkan dia. Macam kangaroo pouch tu" And we kept on talking around that topic. How her arms hurt as a result of always carrying her son like me until the extent of having to go urut, and that the pain stays until about one year. Honestly, though I acted cool carrying Sofia, truth is, my arms really hurt. Iz and I was just planning to get one; based on past experience, tayar stroller tersangkut-sangkut di Toys "R" Us. Anyhow, my main point here is not a...

It was so tiring! Tiring for me, not Sofia, I guess. The next day she still had the energy to try rolling over some more... As for me, I had headache and stomach ache and a whole bundle of laundry to do. Never going on an impromptu trip as far as that ever again! Last Sunday morning, mum suddenly decided we should just go visit my Nenek Mah all the way in Hospital Sg. Petani there and then. I received a call the night before informing that she had been admitted to the ICU. I informed mum only the next morning. The plan was actually for mum to go by bus with my aunt on Monday but mum insisted we go that exact moment since we were all available because Iz works on Monday and I'll be left with the baby alone (but in the end Iz took a leave anyway). Managing our own business, we cancelled all classes on that day. I just told Sofia the night before that we wouldn't be going jalan-jalan anywhere today because mama got a lot of things to do. Wanted to clean the house that day...

Motherhood is tiring and so challenging. It is a 24/7 job. No break...  Yes I love my husband and I love Sofia, but it has come up to one point where I needed a break. Sometimes I purposely spend more time in the toilet. But even so I still feel pressured when I hear Sofia crying, even when her father is watching her. I told my husband I'm stressed, I need a break. I want to swim. I NEED A SWIM. Alhamdulillah, last weekend I got the break I wanted.  I didn't change a single diaper, I didn't wash a single plate, I didn't cook a single meal, I didn't hang a single cloth. No we didn't go for a vacation. Going for a vacation would just add more work for me. Packing unpacking, balik rumah nak kemas rumah basuh baju lagi. While I had a good time swimming, he did all the housework. Before I went into the pool, I told him, "Kalau Sofia menangis, I buat tak tau je tau". Apparently Sofia didn't wake up until I'm done swimming. Lucky, pap...

I think yesterday I deserved 10/10. I managed to bathe early in the morning, prepare packed lunch (spaghetti okay, bukan scrambled eggs macam biasa) for my dearest husband, had a decent breakfast, got the laundry out to dry, AND wrote an entry for the IRenang blog. Feels so good when mum asked, "Dah mandi?"  Dah. "Dah keluarkan kain?" Dah. Bring it on.... Semuanya dah! Hahahah! Okay, I might be cheating a bit as the spaghetti sauce was actually frozen. The other day I cooked spaghetti and freezed some of it. I only had to heat it up and boil some pasta in the morning. The bread in the other tupperware? Mum baked them earlier at night. Laundry? I already hang them to dry the day before tapi tak sempat kering sebab hujan. Simply sidaikan semula ke luar je. Ah. Tak kisah. I still give myself 10 marks.