Tak nak sit down

On bathing Sofia.

My first baby, Sofia, is 10 months old now. She would turn 11 end of this month. And I'm still adapting. Though I can see myself improving in managing and caring for her, especially my patience level has gotten a bit higher now, I still lose temper sometimes.

Like what just happened during bath time. Bathing Sofia went through a lot of changes as she grew older. From in a small basin, to a bigger basin, to a baby bathtub, to a portable baby pool, and now, I resolved to just bathe her in the kitchen sink. I was happy with the latest one. Simply fill in the sink with water, sat her down in it, and let her play with the faucet; water dripping sikit-sikit.

BUT LATELY.... SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SIT! She would hang to me, those tiny fingers grabbing my shirt. So tell me how am I going to wash her upper body. Okay, for a few times I could still keep my calm. Tak apa, I'll just cup some water and wash over her body. 

Tapi susah pulak for her hair. So I just pointed the water faucet to her head and of course lah dengan aku sekali basah... Entah kenapa this time I wanted her to sit down jugak. You, girl, SIT DOWN. Forcing her to sit down... Okay, when I said force, ada kekerasan di situ. I might have grabbed her legs too hard to make her sit. Okay, I did grabbed her legs to MAKE her sit. Just. Like. That, I can feel my temper rising. Macam nak dirasuk setan, tapi bulan puasa semua setan kena ikat kan? 

Astaghfirullah... Anyone has ever felt that before? You realize your temperature rising. Menyirap. It has been quite some time since I last felt that with Sofia... Tak sangka it still can happen even now at 10 months.

That angst lasted until bath time ended (ya halakan paip air ke badan dia and I got wet as well, dapur also banjir habis), until when I have to dress her. It is so hard dressing her now! She would just turn around togel-togel pun... Turn around and crawl.

Still in the process of cooling down, she wanted to help with the bedak and stuff. Like I said, I'm still in the process of cooling down... Sisa-sisa api kemarahan masih ada... Bara masih ada... I ignored her, I didn't give her anything to play with, no bedak no nothing. And she cried. Like, really cried. The kesian/ want to merajuk type. Ah you mothers will know which one is which. 

I still ignored her until one point where I feel kesian pulak. But still tak berganjak. Until my mum told me to calm her down because dah nak teruk sangat. And telling me biasalah budak kadang nak duduk kadang nak berdiri.

So I took her in my arms and calm her down. And I let her play with all the bedak, minyak yuyi whatever. Ish kesian. And she's only 10 months. Okay silap. And it has been only 10 months of me taking care of her. Kesabaran oh kesabaran.....