A picture taken on 1st January 2011 from the top of Broga Hills.
I went through an emotional breakdown a few days ago while I was still having my final examination. I only had the chance to write about it now, though.
Maybe I was too tired because of the exams. That's why I felt very emotional despite only small, minor things that happened. Just because a short text message, I burst into tears and was outraged. Seriously. I was really outraged until the point of smashing things. Lucky thing the roommate came in so I was forced to control myself.
Mum said in a relationship we must allow ourselves to have spaces of our own.
Spaces to breathe.
Spaces to grow.
Spaces to allow ourselves to develop.
We were too close before, and that's why even a small gap seemed so big of a problem.
I'm glad mum's so understanding. She didn't blame anyone. She's always relaxed and calm.
This was all just a learning experience.
I told mum;
I regret my workaholic attitude. If it wasn't for this new job I had, I would have more time to go on dates. Yeah. Because I teach swimming every Saturday and duh... Saturday is like, the only day students like us could go out and have fun. Sundays? I've to prepare myself for Monday, class from 8.30 am to 10. 00 pm.
I blamed myself for being too busy.
Sometimes I feel like a busy mother working hard to find money for her children just so they could have a better life yet her children didn't understand that and thought that the mother didn't love them anymore because she's always busy working that she spend less time with them.
YES. I DO FEEL LIKE THAT.
Mum got mad. Because it was as if I'm blaming her for what I'm doing now.
Mum's advice "Jangan lupa yang di atas tu". (Never forget the one up there, God.)
Because absolutely anything, it's God who decides.
Yes, we break up. Then we continue on the search for the one.
We're still young. In fact, TOO young.
Life's like that. You just have to keep on the search.
Open your heart.
Be open and learn to accept.
But at the same time, pray that you'll meet good people along the way.
If you meet someone, then he's not suitable. Okay fine, move on.
Then you meet another one. Oh. He's the player type. Then stop. Be thankful you knew the truth before it's too late. Okay then, move on.
BUT... Never ever forget to pray for the best.
IF you wanted that person so bad, pray to God. But sometimes, we just don't know if that person is really good for us. So as advised by mum and as I've seen in an Islamic TV programme, pray like this;
"Ya Allah, jodohkanlah aku dengan (insert name) sekiranya dia baik untuk agamaku, keluargaku, dan maruah diriku".
So if you didn't end up together, accept the fact that he's just not the one. Okay ladies?
Because you never know what will happen in the future. Don't think too critically. Before this I was like;
"I WANT THAT ONE JUGAK! I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE. I NAK YANG ITU JUGAK..!"
I'm still learning to be more open and more relaxed. Because enough is enough. Eyebags from studying up late is too much already, I wouldn't want to add more bags by crying.